On Writing

It has been a long time since I have been able to write.  Almost 8 years since my Muse abandoned me.  But let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

I first wanted to be a writer when I was about 12 years old.  I had been watching the “Little House” series on TV and then I started to read the books.  I fell in love with Laura and her life, hard as it was.  I wanted to know all I could about her.  I wanted to be her or like her.  I wanted to write my stories in marbled composition notebooks.  I wanted to be a writer!

My first story that I was going to work on was going to be “Letters to My Sister”.  See, around that age/time I found out I had an older half sister.  So my idea was to write letters daily in a notebook to her.  I didn’t get very far with it.  As a kid what do you say, write, ask a person you don’t know and may never meet?  I don’t know what I was going to write about after that, I don’t remember.  I think I toyed with writing stories here and there, but nothing I ever got far with.

Fast forward a few years, now I’m an angst-y lovelorn teenager.  I know…I will write poetry!   And I did.  I wrote a few.  I don’t know how many, I don’t remember if they were good.  They are all lost.

Then I started growing up, ya know.  Work, some college, marriage, kids.  Writing got pushed to the back of my mind.

Time warp now to 2005. I discover NaNoWriMo.  I have an idea!  I have characters coming to life in my head.  They speak to me faster than I can keep up and write.  I start writing and researching.  I get a laptop for Christmas.  I keep writing in my binder, then enter it onto my computer editing as I do.  I didn’t have the discipline for NaNo, but I tried.

2006, I kept at trying to write.  Doing more research.  November rolls around and I’m ready to try NaNo again.  But things don’t go as planned or hoped for.  My Gram’s got sick, then she went into the hospital.  We get the worst diagnosis possible.  After a week they sent her home, telling me I had at best three months with her.

NaNo was on hold once again.  Less than a week after coming home, on Thanksgiving day at promptly 12/Noon, my Gram’s passed from this life.  I was devastated!  My world grew lonely, my rock, my biggest believer in me was gone.  The words stopped coming, my Muse grew silent.

I’ve barely been able to write since.  I’ve attempted NaNo every year since.  I’ve tried other Wrimos in between too.  Nothing!

In 2007, I made a friend.  He was an aspiring writer too.  He came up with an idea that to get our creative juices flowing we could a collaborative exercise.  We’d take turns writing a story together.  It started out great.  But then, he grew distant.  He was taking longer and longer to write his part.  We had to change and start over at one point, because what I started writing was hedging too closely to a story idea he was working on for his own novel.  He kept making excuses and just stopped all together.  It makes me sad, and I miss it.

I didn’t have support or a cheering section.  I got a lot of “oh how nice” or “why don’t you write this or that, no one wants to read about elves and dragons”  (really?  REALLY?).  I felt like a little child being condescended.

Present day….I have a small support system that encourage me to keep trying.  I am still struggling with the words.  I’m still searching for my Muse, longing to hear her voice again.  I don’t want to give up.  I won’t give up.  Somewhere in me is a story waiting to be told.  It may not be the fantasy novel I started out with, but I know there is something deep down that is needing to be written.

In 4 days, a new challenge starts.  Write 2 pages a day until the end of the year.  By that time, you should have a completed first draft manuscript.  Three months from now is the next NaNoWriMo.  I am going to try the 2 page challenge.  No pressure, no guilt.  Just writing.  I will try to prepare for NaNo.  Jot down ideas, characters, etc.  I will try yet again this year.

In the mean time, I am writing down memories of my childhood from a character’s POV.  I’ll see where that takes me.


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