
In about 21 days or so, NaNoWriMo will begin. If you are not familiar with NaNo, it’s a 30 day marathon to write 50,000 words, to pen your novel. For many it’s a crazy time of year.
I have tried and failed at NaNo since 2005. The first year I did it, I had no idea what it was, what to expect, how to go about it. Then next year, I was determined. I had a better understanding of it, but then shit fell apart. My Grandma got sick, was in the hospital, came home and died a week later on Thanksgiving Day. The next several years I have just been trying to reconnect with my Muse, to find my Voice, to write. It just hasn’t been going too successfully.
Much of that though is of my own doing. I was going through some old emails between myself and a long-lost friend. And some of his words really hit me in a new way. My words…OMG…my words opened my eyes to how I’ve looked at myself for the last 6 years. Hell how I’ve looked at myself almost my whole life.
I’ve always seen myself as not good enough, unworthy. Since I started trying to write a novel, I’ve seen myself as a failure. That my writing isn’t good enough. BUT….the thing is…my old friend told me I was good, that I had it in me. My Beloved has told me I’m good. I once got the nerve to submit a sample of my WIP to a stranger for critique and they even told me I was good, that I just needed to work on more showing and not telling so much.
So if I have all these people telling me I’m good, why can’t I believe it myself? I don’t know. I chalk it up to years of conditioning.
What’s going to be different about this year? I don’t know that either. Will I be making more of an effort to reach word count goals? YES! Will I end up stopping somewhere along the way because the voices won’t speak to me? I don’t know, but I hope not. Will there be self-doubt and negative gremlins whispering at me that I suck? Most definitely. Will I listen to them? I hope not.
I honestly want this year to be different! I really want to win this one!!!
Now, I’m a panster not a plotter so that tends to make things a bit harder. I prefer to write long hand. Yep the old-fashioned way with pen and paper! I do have Liquid Story Binder that I bought about 3 years ago and I like it well enough. But I just downloaded the latest trial of Scrivner. I’m excited to try it. It’s good through December 7th. And if I win….I can buy it for 50% off! So another reason to try and win!
So come join the madness of NaNoWriMo if you dare! It’s going to be a crazy ride!