How Do You Turn Your Thoughts Into Things?

I’ve been talking a lot lately about how I think about doing this or that. Like I think about writing. I think about art journaling. I think about painting on one or the seven blank canvases next to my easel. I think some more about writing. I think about how I want a functioning art corner in my room but at the same time have a little working space at my computer desk. I think of all the unfinished (and unstarted) crochet projects I have.  I think a lot about how I don’t get any of the shit done that I wanna do.

I think a lot about how I want to learn herbalism, tarot, herbal healing, druidry. Or how I want to learn the ins and outs of my camera and use it regularly.  I want to learn hand lettering styles. A new language or two.

I think about how I want to travel. To Scotland, Ireland, England. Explore where my ancestors came from in Poland and Ukraine.  I wouldn’t mind a holiday adventure in Italy and/or Spain.  Take more trips to the Pacific Coast in Oregon and Washington. See San Francisco. I would love to see more of the state I live in. I want to go back East to New York and revisit old favorites, see how my old neighborhood has changed.  Maybe do some traveling up the East Coast check out Salem and Cape Cod, visit Maine. There are so many places that I never got to see when I lived on the East Coast that are on my wish list.

So much of what I want to do takes money, money, money. Money that I don’t have. Money that I might not ever have.  But let’s take money and all the things that require gobs of it out of the equation, okay. Looking at all the things I can do, with what I already have. Writing, art, photography.  I have journals and pens. I have art journals, canvases, paints, pastels.  I have a camera. I have yarn and an assortment of hooks.

How do I get from thinking about doing those things to actually doing them? How do I get passed the fears that seem to paralyze me so often? How do I silence the voices of the past that constantly echo in my mind telling me what I can’t do, what I shouldn’t do?

Everytime I think I have made some strides in get passed them, they seem to scream at me louder and louder.  Then there are those who are in my life now, who are supportive. But yet there’s that dark voice that whispers to me that they aren’t and that they are judging me, even though it isn’t true. (I don’t think, I hope not).

It sometimes feels like I am on a merry go round, going round and round. The dark monsters that say those things about how I’m not good enough, on the other side seemingly chasing after me, but not able to catch me. Or is it me chasing them away, unsuccessfully?  Round and round and round we go, it never stops. The voices of the past haunt me.

So how do I get passed all of that? Make my thoughts into things. Make my dreams into reality.  I think I am going to try a different approach this year. Even thought I have probably said or tried it all before. But I want to try this year to do at least one creative thing a day. Whether it turns out magnificent or turns out like shit, I want to try. And if I can do more than one thing in a day, that would be amazing. But the goal is to be creative and to live a creative life. I have to start some where, any where.


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