Today’s Inspiration

erase-who-you-are

(image found on Google/StoryDam. created by M. Dragonwillow)

This is another quote that I keep near by.  This one is written on an index card and pinned on my bulletin board.  The first time I read this, it hit me hard. Yet here I sit, still not doing the writing.  And yes, I do feel like the more I do NOT write, the more I am being erased.

Every day that I don’t do art or take photos, I feel like a bit of myself disappears. Every day that I don’t write, I feel my words slipping away.  Only I have the power to stop this.  Still for as much as I think about and try to plan something, I can’t find the motivation to take action.

I feel like I am stuck in the mud.  My words, I feel, are like snow flakes falling and quickly melting because it’s too warm to stick.  I’m afraid though, that if I were to have a blizzard of words, that there will be too many for me to keep up with.

I’m afraid to pick up my camera bag and go for a walk. I’m afraid that those around me will watch and judge, make snarky comments. I’m afraid that I don’t have the “proper” equipment seeing as I only have one lens right now.  I feel like it’s not enough, that I’m a fraud to call myself a photographer albeit a hobbiest just because I don’t have all the “right tools”.

It’s how I feel about writing or making art.  That because I don’t have this or that, or because I don’t (or can’t) do it every day, that I’m a fraud. And a failure.

See there’s that imposter syndrome again.  Yet there are so many that say even if you don’t do it every day, if you make art – you’re an artist. If you write – you’re a writer.  If you take pictures – you’re a photographer.

This is an inner battle, not just with myself but also with the voices of those that live on in my memory that told me I wasn’t good enough.  I will probably fight this battle every day for the rest of my life.  But it’s one I hope to win one day. And then, maybe just maybe, they will finally be silent.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. thefirstdark
    Mar 27, 2018 @ 10:44:27

    Reblogged this on ReBirth: The Pursuit of Porsha and commented:
    Love this thought; especially as I’ve been suffering from FEAR, moreover than ‘writer’s blog’s in regards to my year-long writing drought.!!! 🙍 🙅 😵 #shitsovernow #donewitit

    Reply

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