Seven Years

I meant to write yesterday. I truly did. I wrote on my original blog. But I never got around to writing here.  Probably should have started here first!

Yesterday, marked seven years that I left my narcissist. I can breathe without being afraid. Without walking on eggshells. Without waiting for the “other shoe to drop”.

I never said it out loud.  I never wanted to think on it.  But somewhere in the back of my mind, I wondered how long before it turned violent.  To the day I left, he never laid a hand on me.  It was all verbal, emotional, psychological. But somewhere, nagging, in the deep recesses I wondered.

Then I overheard a conversation by someone familiar with my situation.  I heard them say, that they fully believed it was only a matter of time before it would turn physical if I hadn’t left when I did.  I stopped in my tracks.  It was out there. I never said a word about it. But it was out there, I wasn’t crazy.

Yet for all the shit he did and said.  All the mind games.  I’m labeled as the toxic one.  I’m the bad one.  It takes victim blaming to a whole new level for me.

I’m still learning how to move forward.  How to live and breathe without feeling like I am crazy.  I’m still trying to figure out who I am and not who I was told I am. I don’t think that journey will ever end.

Recovery is still recovery, no matter what the situation.  So one day at a time.  Sometimes it has to be one minute at a time, and that’s okay.  I will get there.

 

House Update:
The engineer was out to remeasure/confirm measurements on the trusses.  Something about ordering extra ones because of unseen/unknown damage to others.  They won’t know for sure just how many until they tear it apart.  He said they should be ready in a few days.  That was Wednesday.
He was going to notify the contractor, then depending on their work schedule he was sure we have work started in a few days as well. As soon as the trusses are ready, they can begin.
We thought we would have heard from the contractor.  But alas, still nothing.  Fingers crossed that this coming week, is the week.  Life has been on hold since this mess began. Yesterday was two months since the tree fell.  We are all ready for life to resume.

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