It’s Been A Hot Minute

I seriously thought I posted here after the new year.
I swear I did.
Either I didn’t actually do it.
Or it got lost somehow.

The year started off  with the greatest of intentions.
You know the ones….
More Art
More Writing
More Photography
More Poetry
More Doing More of What Makes Me Happy

I intended to just take off the month of December for writing.
And here it is almost the end of February and I haven’t written a damn thing.
No stories. No poetry. Zip! Zilch! Nada!!

I have painted.
A little.  But nothing like I envisioned doing.
My art desk has become a catch all for assorted shit.
So I can’t hardly find an empty space on it.

I have taken a picture here and there.
But again, nothing like I planned on.

Sometimes I feel like on the days I really want to dive in,
Or plan to go diving in. Are the days that suddenly everyone
remembers I exist.

But wait.
Let’s not forget about our old friend

Everytime…seriously every damned time.
Guilt rears up when I start creating and says,
“Who the fuck do you think you are?  There’s no time for this.
You suck at it anyway, so why are you even bothering.  There’s
plenty of other shit you should be doing.”

And so I end up caving.
Because you know….
How dare I?

I am trying to break out of the vicious cycle of  guilt and fear.
Even shame.
but it is such a slow process.
Baby steps, I suppose. Baby steps.

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