Monday Musings

  • Oh look at me go, barely passed 9 AM and only on my second cuppa and here I am writing a post. I guess I’ve just been feeling pretty unmotivated the last few days. Between allergies, getting over a cold, and just the usual aches and pains that come with having Fibro. Maybe unmotivated is the wrong word, lack of energy I think is more like it. And I’m afraid to push too hard because I don’t want to make things worse. So, I’m playing it safe.
  • Read a great blog post by Kim this morning, you can find it HERE, if you would like to read it. In it is a link to an article by Natalie Goldberg, which you can read HERE. In the circle of people I admire, Natalie and her book “Writing Down The Bones” is pretty much up there as life changing. I finally found a copy of said book, which is currently sitting on my TBR pile. Along with the likes of “Dance of the Dissident Daughter”, “Big Magic”, “The Art of Asking”, “Women Who Run With the Wolves” just to name a few. I think I have finally realized WHY these “life changing” books are still unread, or partially read. I am afraid to read them! Seems silly, right?! But there it is. They, these books, they scare me. I’m afraid of what parts of myself they will uncover, of what I will discover, of how they could possibly change my life. I’m a “let’s not rock the boat” kinda person. The kind that walks on eggshells and tiptoes around so as not to “make waves” or “piss anyone off”. Learned behavior that I am trying to work on unlearning. I’ve been doing it since childhood, so there is so much to undo. I think I am afraid to see who I might be without all that.
  • So writing. And what light bulb went off while reading the article. I love smooth, buttery paper, the kind that when you put your pen on it, the pen just glides across the page. Effortless, freely. And pens! I do love my pens, and notebooks too for that matter.
    Years ago, like 15+!! I found this looseleaf paper at a store called Big Lots. It’s a discount store of sorts. It was a recycled paper with a grey tone to it, unlike most looseleaf that is stark white. It wasn’t quite the smoothest paper, but it did/does feel quite nice to write on. Yes, I still have some from the packs I had bought only because I don’t want to use what I have left as I can’t find it anywhere. I also still have two or three note pads from the same time. Which I am reluctant to fill up for the same reason. Since then though, I have found that I rather like the spiral notebooks from I think it’s Mead. I try to grab a few at the back to school sales when they are like 10-20 cents each. Another brand that I have fallen in love with is Studio C, as well as Sasquatch. Which both happen to be made by the same company.
    I had been in love with Parker pens since forever, high school I suppose. Not the fancy ones, I don’t think the one I had was more than 5 bucks, but it was gifted to me. Much as I love(d) it, I realize now that I found it to be a slow pen. It doesn’t glide easily across a page. I was a fan for a while of Papermates, but then they started to leak often. My fall back pen always seems to be good ole Bic.
    All that there is to say that I can be most productive with my writing when I’m using my favorite paper and pens. Things just seem to flow. At some point, I think I had forgotten that. When I started out writing, going back to that 15+ years ago, I always seemed to be in my zone when I had the right tools…my favorite tools. I somehow forgot that. Maybe I need to go back to the beginning. Start all over again, like the first time I sat down to write. When the words seemed to flow from my mind with little effort, too fast for my hand to keep up with at times. I miss that time, when I was writing like that. I don’t know if I can get back to that or if it something that I’ve lost. Or do I stop trying to go back? Just gather my tools and see where I might end up?
  • This week’s 52 Frames challenge is RED. Sometimes I find the challenge topics overwhelming or intimidating. And when I get to that point, I will often not do them. Which doesn’t help me improve my skills at all. On the other hand, I also over think things into the ground so I end up just overwhelming myself but still end up not doing the challenge. So either way, the outcome is the same. I’m trying to get myself out of that mindset too. I can learn and improve if I don’t practice, if I don’t try.
  • But that goes for any of my endeavors now doesn’t it? What ever I’m trying to create, be it painting or art journaling or writing or crochet or photography. I need to stop overthinking so much. I need to stop procrastinating. I need to stop allowing myself to get overwhelmed and intimidated. Sometimes it’s easier to say but not so easy to do. And I seem to be the queen of not doing things. I’ve not made much progress on changing that, I don’t think but I do keep trying. And that’s what counts. Right?
  • So things to try to do:
    – Read “Writing Down the Bones”
    -Gather up my writing tools
    -Gather up what I need to start my “Commonplace Book”. Going to need a place to jot down all the words of wisdom somewhere.
  • I will leave it there. It’s a start. Or else I will overwhelm myself with all the things.

6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. lunhatikk
    May 11, 2021 @ 05:12:30

    Trauma responses are difficult ones to leave behind. I really hear you around the ‘well what will I look like if I read this life-changing book and change my life?’ Sometimes, the known feels safer. At least, it used to for me. I’m taking the most minute baby steps toward changing that these days. Every moment I am faced with a do-the-same-thing or do-something-different choice I’m very aware of it and aware of when I have the capacity to do it differently. I, too, have a few books on my TBR pile that have that power that continue to collect dust instead of have their pages turned.

    Also, I too love smooth hot-pressed paper and pens, omg all the pens in all the worlds!! 😀

    Reply

    • TheForgottenMuse
      May 12, 2021 @ 13:16:54

      Yes, trauma responses. And you hit the nail on the head…I will often think “what will I look like or what will my life look like if I read this book?” The unknown is scary as Hell. I’ve made a step though, and took one book off the shelf to start reading. Now to open it and begin.
      YES YES YES to all the pens 😁😁😁

      Reply

  2. lunhatikk
    May 11, 2021 @ 05:13:18

    Also, I felt like I could have been reading my own words reading this post sometimes ❤

    Reply

  3. Effy Wild
    May 11, 2021 @ 08:51:36

    I overwhelm myself with all the things all the time. *lol* I also resonate so much with your love of the right pen and paper. For years, my pen was the Onyx black pen. I used to buy them in bulk. Now it’s the Frixion pen. I love that I can erase it.

    Reply

    • TheForgottenMuse
      May 12, 2021 @ 13:14:18

      In high school my love affair was with Sakura pens from the Hello Kitty store lol, especially the fruit smelling ones. I do love the Frixion pens, I just hesitate to use them because of the risk of “vanishing ink” with temperature changes. They remind me of the Erase-a-mate pens from forever ago.

      Reply

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