September Finale

Here we are. At the end of our blog along with the wonderful
and inspirational Effy. Happy Birthday dear Effy!! And thank
you for once again hosting the blog along.
I have to admit, and not very willingly I might add, that I really
struggled with putting posts together this time around. Usually,
I might falter with a couple of posts through the month, struggling
to find words and thoughts. But this month was different. I wonder
if it is because of some of the insights I ended up having.
I have loved reading the shared blogs. And thank you to everyone
who has read and commented on my posts.

One of the things that I’ve been pondering through this is do I still
want to stick with “morgainependragon”. In what seems like a lifetime
ago, it was intended to be my pen name, even if just on the interwebs.
Prior to that, I started out writing as “Cerridwyn Grimshawe”. I chose
Cerridwyn (which has various spellings) all the way back around 2004/2005
because she was the first Goddess to call to me. As I researched who she
was, I learned she was the Goddess of knowledge and inspiration, She is
known as The Ruler of the Bards as one page put it. I was just beginning
to be curious about Druidry and the first step is in learning is Bard. I wanted
to and still do want to write stories. Someday, if/when I unearth information
I want to write about my family history. So that seemed to fit my mindset at
the time. Yet when I signed up for NaNoWriMo back in 2005, I chose
Morgaine Pendragon. I was/am a huge King Arthur fan? is that the right word?
I first fell in love with the movie “Excalibur” and later it was “Mists of Avalon”.
Somedays, more so lately, I feel like I am maybe outgrowing using MP. Other
times, I feel like I’m not yet done with it or it with me. So I don’t know. I’m all
set to change it until the moment of doing and then I just can’t bring myself
to do it. It is one of the reasons I was asking for feedback on the word Magpie.

After having the book for about 2 years now, I finally started reading
“Writing Down the Bones” by Natalie Goldberg. I have only hemmed and hawed
over reading since I got it. Truth be told…I have been afraid to. I heard of the book
a few years back, three? four? who knows. But it was going around the various
groups and blogs and friends’ posts. I had seen some quotes and knew I had to
have it. Once I did though, I couldn’t bring myself to read it. Cynthia Lee of
“Spirit Uncaged” mentioned the book a few days ago and I commented on her post.
She again urged me to read it. If memory serves, she encouraged me to do so once
before. And she is really the main reason I sought out the book to begin with. I’m
only a few chapters in, highlighter handy. I might have go back and read over the
chapters I read last night. More likely I will just move forward and go back through
at a later time.

I figured I had no excuses to wait. If not now, when? In 28 days, I will be turning
52. I’ve put off enough for different reasons and different people. Maybe reading
this book is one small step in doing things differently from now on.
One of the things I read last night is about having the right pen and paper. As pen
and paper addict, this is wild permission to go shopping lol. She recommends
having a fast pen. I am quite picky about my pens and even my paper. I like my
paper smooth and almost creamy like in texture for writing. Pens, I’ve been stuck
on Bic for a long time. I love my Parker, but it does feel slow. I feel like this will give
me an excuse to experiment with different pens and maybe, finally my quills. Are
quill pens fast? I don’t even know.
This is really giving me the idea that I should make that closet a writing nook
instead. I’m antsy to get in there and move things, but I’d rather wait for the
weekend when the Little isn’t here.
I need a trip to the Dollar store. And to Joann’s. A thrift or two would be lovely
as well. I need/want things for my space. I want whatever it will take to get me
in there.

Tomorrow we begin October.
It is also the start of “Prep-tober” wherein we would be prepping for our novels
for NaNoWriMo in November.
I’m hoping that I will also start putting together my Health BuJo. I am pretty sure
that I said a year ago I was going to put one together, and I haven’t done a thing.
I also want to put a Writing BuJu together along with a Story Binder.
I’m hoping to do some of the LB Taster lessons this weekend too.

Happy October Eve!
Thank you for reading.
I will do my best to continue blogging regularly in October. Though it might not be
every day.

Wednesday’s Words

I’m still off on my days.
Oh well *throws hands in the air*
I give up, it is what it is.
For a moment there, I was thinking it was Thursday.

Today is the Feast of Archangel Michael.
I knew that but didn’t.
He is the angel most called on for protection.
It is also said he is the most powerful.
I wonder, now, in hindsight if it was he who protected me
and helped me out of those abusive situations. Perhaps,
I just didn’t know it. I suppose it is possible.
If so, thank you Michael.

The other big three Archangels are:
Gabriel- who brings visions and messages.
Raphael- healing
Uriel- brings wisdom.
I never really gave the Archangels much thought outside of you
know the christmas story. It’s funny I don’t really remember being
taught much about them in catholic school. Again, besides Gabriel.

I don’t know why I wrote about this, just something I found a bit
interesting. It also makes me wonder… So, some time back (about
25 or so years now) my ex, my then toddler, and myself were living
in an apartment in Florida. There seemed to be a string of car
break ins happening in the complex as well some other stuff.
Something woke me in the middle of the night, and I went to check
on my toddler. On my way back to bed, I turned my gaze towards the
living room window, the blinds were cracked enough to see through.
And I swear there was this giant white robed figure standing outside near
the lamppost. Now, I know it wasn’t the light because the glow from that
was yellow and what I saw was pure white and as tall as the lamppost.
Later we found out that about 5 cars in front of our building were broken
into. Ours was untouched. Coincidence? Could be. I just know what I saw.
It was also my only known encounter.

Stay safe!
Happy Hump Day!

Until tomorrow…….
One more post to go.

Tuesday’s Thoughts

I guess I’m still messed up with days because I almost
wrote “Wednesday Wisdom” or “Wednesday’s Words”
as the blog title.
I got up way too early. Still dark. I’m told it was just
passed 6 AM. Thank you bladder for that too early
wake up call! NOT! lol
Some how managed to fall back to sleep and woke up
two hours later. Which wasn’t easy since there was a
cat sleeping where I wanted to put my knee. Really most
inconvenient. But we’re both stubborn and neither of us
would move HA. Yet we both slept, go figure.
The wind wasn’t bad, thank goodness. We got a little bit
of rain. Enough to make muddy paws. The mountains though…
got snow. YAY!!
It it quite chilly out there today. Only 60 degrees. Considering
we were around 85 this time yesterday. And there is a light
breeze to add to the chill.
I’m trying not to get too excited. Because honestly, I feel like
it will reverse itself. BUT….it looks like the insurance thing
might finally be fixed. I put in for a refill and they ran the
insurance, as of about a half hour ago it worked fine. Now,
the big question is…will it work on my doctor bill. It scares the
crap out of me that it might still fail.
Are downloads and transmissions the new key words being
thrown around lately? I’ve gotten a few e-newletters talking
about it from different subscriptions. And I’ve seen several
pop on my FB feed. Everyone them also seems to have some
“join now” to find out more with a price tag attached, along
with the classic “don’t miss out” some where in there. What’s
up with that? Is it legit stuff or is it just another marketing ploy?

One of the “resident” magpies has been very entertaining lately.
We have a suet feeder out on one of the trees. The first few times
said magpie has come, it would jump up to the feeder, flutter like
5 seconds or long enough to grab a bite and drop to the ground
and eat it. It repeats this over and over. Today, it got smart and
took to flying on the trunk and jumping at the feeder to grab a
bite. There 2 out there under it earlier. The first one didn’t seem
to know what to do to get the suet. The second one was like
here let me show you how it’s done. It’s quite comical to watch.

So that’s my Tuesday (almost said Monday lol)
How is yours going?
Can you believe only 2 days left?

Monday’s Musings

I can’t believe we have three days left to the blog along.
I also can’t believe we are at the end of September.
But I say that at the end of any month lately lol.
Thank you to those who answered my magpie question.
I’m still open to hearing your thoughts on what comes
to mind when you hear the word Magpie.

Took a trip to D&B today.
I was looking for a sweater that they had on clearance.
But alas the only one left was too small for me.
We also had to pick up some dog food for the big girl.
She is allergic to chicken and so we have to hunt for
food brands that don’t include it in the ingredients. It
is quite the feat to find some. But on our previous trip
to the place, we found a brand that does and we let her
try it. She loved it! They have 3 different flavors she can
eat, so kudos to Wildology for making a food without
chicken that our dog can have.
In case you don’t know, beef and chicken are top protein
allergies in dogs.

Then it was a quick pop into Wally-world because I heard
that they had the Instant Pot fryer/vortex lids on clearance.
I didn’t expect to find on, but it couldn’t hurt to look. Of
course, they didn’t have it.
We grabbed a bite from Burger King for lunch and ate it
in the car while still in the parking lot. The amount of
mask-less people was astounding. In the short time we
people watched I think I saw a total of 3 people wearing a
mask.

There were other errands to run but we only had time for
one more stop. And that was to a place where I could pick
up a 3 piece accessory set for our IP for only 20 bucks. If I
bought each one separately, it would be almost 50!!
I want to try to learn to cook some healthier meals in it.
The set includes a silicone steamer basket. So that should
be a big help. I’m still afraid of our IP. I’m always thinking
I will mess it up or end up with the lid in the ceiling.

It’s 85 right now. And it’s supposed to drop overnight with
tomorrow being only in the 60s. Of course, this drop means
a cold front is coming in, which means wind, which in turn
means Wind Advisory. Oh goody….NOT!!!!!!!!

I guess I won’t be getting my library card this year.
I double checked the site to see what I needed.
Lo and behold, effective today they are closed to the
public. You can still request and borrow and return items,
but you can’t go in the building. I’ll give you one guess why.

That’s about it for me today. Until tomorrow………

Sunny And Slightly Smokey

Last Sunday of this September.
This time next week we will be into my
birthday month.
How is that even possible!
I was asked recently what I want for my birthday.
I don’t know how to answer that.
I don’t like asking for things I want.
I don’t like being disappointed when I don’t get
something I asked for. I don’t like not getting
something I asked for because the person felt
it wasn’t a worthwhile purchase. I justify buying
things for myself, that is bad enough because I
feel unworthy or undeserving. But then to have
someone say they didn’t want to get the thing
because they didn’t feel it was worth it, makes
me feel like I’m not worth it.

Trying to do some noticing today. It’s not easy.
I don’t know why I find it so hard.
But I will try anyway. So here goes:

The sound for the small play flying over the house
The excitement in Bug’s voice when she hears it
The pure joy on her face when she sees it.
The Honey Bee setting on the sliced peaches
looking for nectar. The hum of its wings as it
flies around the edge of the bowl and passed
my ear.
The smell of recently dug onions picked up from
the dirt road.
The busyness of the yellow jackets that have
decided to take up residence in the fallen tree
in the back yard.
Voices talking about the yellow jackets and how
best to deal with them.
My feet are cold despite it being a Sunny 78 degrees.

Okay, I’ve blogged. I’ve read. I’ve had lunch.
Now I’m itching to maybe get into the art cave and
maybe play with rearranging things on the one wall
and closet.

Random question: what comes to mind if I say the
word Magpie?

Saturday the 25th

I’ve struggled to come up with a post today.
I still don’t have any ideas.

Things I noticed today:
No one wearing a mask in Tractor Supply.
Except us.
Only the workers wearing masks in the
grocery store.
Hay being harvested, dust flying behind
the tractor.
Smoke moving back in yet again.
Can’t really see the mountains to the north.
My shrimp taco was too salty! (does that count?)

I had another idea for the closet space.
I could instead turn into a writing nook.
Then I could put the easel where my writing desk
is right now. I think it would work.
It might even be a better idea.
But until I start messing with things, I won’t know.
I’m too much of a visual person, I have to see it
or try putting things in place to get a good idea
if my plan will work.
I was going to try to do some rearranging today,
but my hips and back said NOPE. So I didn’t
Maybe tomorrow.

Well I’m full (I had the best Chile Relleno I have
had in a long time).
And I’m tired, even though it’s not even 9:30 yet.
Good night world.

Last Friday of September

I can’t believe it!
Already the last Friday of the Month.
Time is flying faster than I can comprehend.

Today was quieter.
Unless you count the whiny dog who thinks he has
to eat every time someone gets up. He starts whining
for his dinner almost 2 hours ahead of time. He’s old.
And he has Cushings. So he’s almost always hungry.

Tomorrow will be a different story.
It won’t be a quiet day.
*SIGH*
Hopefully it will be a calm day if nothing else.

I started thinking about my art cave this morning.
Since I have moved things around, I’m not too pleased
with where my easel is sitting. I have a closet, with
sliding doors on it. I don’t like the doors. Well I do and
I don’t. I do because I can use it as extra “wall space” or
as an “easel” for poster board. I don’t because when they
are closed, I forgot what is in there. I do because we can
hide stuff from the “Littles”. And I don’t because it feels like
I’m not using all my space.
So, I am playing with the idea of removing the doors. And
then moving my easel to the open space it will provide. I
will have a bit of rearranging to do in regards to the closet
itself. There are also things that I need to rearrange because
I’ve just placed them randomly for the time being.
I think, if I do it right, I can even have an altar space in the
closet. That MAYBE the cats won’t walk all over.
Just some thoughts.

Thursday’s Thoughts

I don’t feel like doing much of anything today.
I’m tired! I slept terribly. I was up at too dark o’clock.
I needed the bathroom, but I didn’t want to get up.
But I did anyway. I went back to bed and really thought
that I wasn’t going to fall back to sleep.
I did, but it was restless. Now I feel like it was pointless.
To go back to sleep. It didn’t help and now I just feel…Meh.

I feel off today. Maybe it’s the coming off the full moon and
that yesterday was the Fall Equinox. I feel grumpy, but not
actually grumpy. I feel anxious, not not actually anxious.
I don’t know how to explain it.

I meant to do day one of the nine days of noticing.
And maybe I did, sort of.
I did notice that the sunset looking like orange and
raspberry sherbet. I noticed the sun rays beaming up
over the hill as it set, like spokes on a wheel.
I did my best to photograph it. I took a few pictures,
adjusting the F-stop and ISO with each click of the
shutter. I don’t know how they came out, I haven’t
uploaded them to the computer yet. I’m afraid of
being disappointed. Again.

I made the mistake of telling someone a thing. It wasn’t
a secret or anything like that. I was sharing an observation
and what I heard during an exchange between a mother
and child.
My take away from the observation is that the mom isn’t
happy with the boundaries set for the child. The child, chooses
to ignore the boundaries. Instead of reinforcing the
boundaries that have been set, the mom says that the child
needs to not do the thing because she doesn’t want to hear
the “BS” about it. So now, the person I told (who set the
boundary to begin with. And for the record is perfectly
reasonable.) thinks that they should just be quiet and let
the child do whatever they want so the child’s mother doesn’t
get upset.
And me….I’m just sitting here wanting to scream because that’s
not how this works. It’s perfectly reasonable and fuck I would think
expected to have rules and boundaries in regards to one’s home
and personal space.

I can’t even put it into words. I probably should have just said
nothing at all. But I did. And I can’t take it back. And I can’t
vent to someone else because they will just tell me how stupid
I was for saying anything to begin with. FML!

Maybe I should just go run around in Azeroth today and bury myself
in trying to catch some rare hunter pets. Or maybe run some old raids
for mounts.

Wednesday Ramblings

  • Yesterday, despite it being a completely off day.
    Feeling like the wrong day. The hours feeling way off too.
    It was a good day.
  • I found my light bulbs at Lowe’s. It must have been where
    I found them the last time because they were the same brand.
    YAY for bulbs!!
  • Then we decided that since we were right next door we’d check
    out the thrift store. Which in turn led to going to the other one
    in the next parking lot.
  • I found books! A book on drawing. A book on getting published.
    Another on genealogy. A book on Idaho wildlife. Another book
    on photography at the other store along with 2 National Geographic
    magazines which all 3 were half off. I found the book “How to Think
    Like Leonardo DaVinci” which I had but didn’t take with me.
    I found a cute pair of pants. And a Harry Potter backpack that I just
    could not pass up for 5.99!! It even has lightning bolt zipper pulls!!

Thrift Store Haul!

  • Today, I bought a couple of books on Amazon for my Kindle. They
    were on sale. The first is “Moonology” by Yasmin Boland.
    The other, which has come across to me at least 3 different times,
    is “A Year of Mystical Thinking” by Emma Howarth. Every time I saw
    this book pop up in my email or feed, I shied away from it.
    Then when I bought the first book, guess what popped up as a
    ‘you might also like’ suggestion. So I did the ‘peek inside’ and got
    hooked.
  • In it Emma mentions that someone once said to her that “if you lose
    your way in life, you should look back to what lit you up when you
    were younger.” She said that these words kicked off her magical year.
    Now, several times over the last few weeks at least, maybe even months.
    I’ve noticed a similar phrase come up randomly. And I have tried on
    occasion to answer that question. But without much luck.
  • I gave it another try when I read it in the book preview. It wasn’t easy.
    Then I looked at her examples from her life, and a few bells went off.
    First what I remembered was learning to fortune tell with an ordinary
    deck of cards. I found it quite fascinating. I must have been about 12
    or 13 at the time. But it excited me until it got tucked in the corner
    of my memories and was forgotten.
  • Another thing that lit me up and excited me was when I discovered
    the mystical store in Greenwich Village called the Mystical Child. It
    smelled of incense and had all kinds of candles and crystals. Tarot decks
    and cloths, it was a witch’s dream store. I felt something click when I
    first entered that store. I was maybe 15 when I first visited and went back
    a handful of times over the next 3 or 4 years.
    I loved to color when I was child. And blanket forts, even though they pissed
    off my mom. Then I fell in love with reading. And wanting to write and be
    like Laura Ingalls Wilder. I wanted to take pictures with my mom’s 110 film
    camera. I wanted to paint with watercolors, but my mom would take them
    away because I muddied the colors.
  • I noticed a trend. Everything that made me happy, that lit me up, that excited
    me…I was discouraged from doing. Except maybe reading. So I kept
    burying and tucking these things further and further in the back of my
    mind to be forgotten for quite a long time.
    I can’t have an “Eat, Pray, Love”/Liz Gilbert experience. I can’t travel to Italy, but
    I can make pasta to my heart’s content at home. I can’t go to another country
    to learn that language, but I can try Duo-Lingo. I can’t go to Bali, but…I don’t have
    a substitute yet lol.
    There is a lot I cannot do or places I cannot go, but I can do a lot with what I have
    and where I am. I can learn again how to read a deck of playing cards. Or I can
    really learn how to read the tarot decks I have. I can start a yoga practice. I can
    learn a language. I can step fully into being a witch. I can stop hiding and actually
    learn and practice. I can paint with whatever I want and if I mess it up then I will
    find a way to clean it. I have at least one story in me and I will write it!
  • I noticed that I was still living my life with the restrictions and the rules?, no that’s
    not the right word. I have been holding myself back, because those voices have
    echoed in my mind every time I would do or wanted to do something. I want to
    say that stops here and now, but I also know I will slip up many times before I
    untangle it all.
  • It’s the Fall Equinox today. And even though I knew it was coming, I find myself
    unprepared. No altar, no ritual. No practice…and I call myself a witch. Hmmph!
    My cousin and sister of my heart, tells me every time I am hard on myself for
    what I see as failing in my practice and that I am overthinking what I think I
    should be doing. I know she is right. Just another thinking that I need to
    untangle myself from.
  • Anyway, that’s my ramblings for today.
    Happy Fall!!
    Mabon Blessings!!
  • Two Trees, taken Sept. 21, 2021

    Tuesday’s Thoughts

    • It’s Tuesday.
      I woke up feeling like it is Friday.
      It feels……weird!
      Like I know what day it is, but yet I feel like
      I lost a bunch of days and time, somehow.
    • I read a post, just a bit ago. I had thought to
      write about something, now the thought is
      gone and I don’t know what it was. I should
      have opened up WP and just threw it on here
      so I wouldn’t forget.
    • It’s roughly 9:30 in the morning. I’m on my
      second cuppa. There are errands to be run.
      I’m searching for a light bulb that is proving
      very hard to find. I thought I had a spare, but
      I don’t. It’s one of those things that I need, but
      don’t need. I could make due with one clip lamp
      though I prefer the two because then I can
      direct the light from both sides or where ever I need
      the light to go.
    • I want to earn some money, but I don’t know what to
      do. I want to be able to pay for and take what ever
      art classes and workshops I want, without depending
      on someone else for the funds. I don’t want to ask
      for them as birthday or xmas gifts.
      I truly don’t feel like I can work outside the home.
    • Reasons I can’t: I don’t drive. Only one car.
      We watch the Little so her parents can work. Well, I
      help or do it when Gramma has to do something.
      Physically, I don’t feel like I could. I mean, it can take
      me a few hours just to do dishes because I can’t stand
      at the sink long enough to do them all in one go.
      Fibro sucks. Sometimes I have to sit down in between
      steps when prepping and cooking. Fibro sucks. My
      hands and arms have been feeling weak these past few
      days. Like I’ve been holding a dumb bell up over my
      head, or trying to do planks and trying to hold myself
      up. I have not done these things, but that’s how my arms
      feel.
      It would cost more to get me to and from a job than I
      could probably earn. Especially with the price of gas
      going up and up.
    • I wonder why it is that sometimes lists feel so much easier to
      write than a “normal” post. Cynthia Lee of Spirit Uncaged
      is going to do her “Nine Days of Noticing” starting tomorrow.
      I think I did it once before. Maybe I should try it again. I feel
      like some days I miss the moments. Like when the covey of
      quail comes through the yard. Or the golden hour when the
      sun hits the tops of the corn field just right.
    • I think I remember what the morning thought was. It was
      the part of Effy’s post where she said “sister of clay.”
      That struck a cord with me. I didn’t know about Lilith until
      I was an adult. It was probably in some Sunday sermon telling
      us how wicked she was for not being submissive to Adam.
      Telling us women how we all needed to be like Eve. To submit
      and obey. Something in me was just all “Hell NO!” First of all,
      I was not raised that way. Second of all, it felt all kinds of wrong.
      Some time after that I started to look up Lilith. And knew that
      I was definitely more Lilith than Eve.
      Growing up Catholic, we never learned about Lilith. I don’t even
      think she was ever mentioned in any sermon. If she was, it was
      not by name. It’s not surprising they would keep her a secret.
    • I know that wasn’t the only thing, but I still cannot remember
      what else it was. I’m going to quit trying for now and go get
      ready to run errands. If it should come to me, maybe I’ll
      write another post or put it in a draft for tomorrow.
    • Totally feeling the effects of the Full Moon. Might need to go
      ground myself in the grass at some point.

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