Blessed Samhain/Happy Halloween And Other Stuff

It’s that time of year where I seem to draw inward.
I start thinking about all that I didn’t accomplish in the last year.
How I want to finish out the last two months of the year.
And what I want to attempt to accomplish and achieve in the coming year.
Sometimes I think of this day as the beginning of a new year.

Right now, I have no answers to the questions running through my head.
I’ve been riding waves of anxiety all week without knowing why or what is/was
causing it. It kind of lulled yesterday, but here it is today…back in full swing.
I feel like the rug is going to pulled out from under me at any moment.
I hate this feeling. It makes me sick to my stomach. Especially the not knowing
what is causing it.

Today I found out my cousin by blood and sister of my heart has covid. I sat here
and had every expletive you could think of screaming in my head while I sat and
cried. She says it’s very mild, she has had both her shots. But that doesn’t make me
any less scared or worried. I’m trying not to lose my shit over here and it’s hard. She
is home in quarantine, resting, and watching hallmark xmas movies. Please some body
tell me it will be okay!

Do you know how hard it is to find out what Pagan ways my Polish and Ukrainian
ancestors might have practiced? I can’t find anything about what sort of tools they
would have used for divination. I can find out what gods and goddesses they might have
honored. But practices…I’m hitting a brick wall.
I really want to know, if I can, what they might have practiced. I can remember being
told, when that when I was born my Babci did some sort of candle ritual and using the
bathroom tile. It was, I think, supposed to show her if someone had cursed me? It’s been
so long since I heard the story, I can hardly remember it.
My great grandma used to tie red ribbons around her plants to ward off the evil eye from
those who might be jealous of her green thumb.

Maybe though, before I go falling down the rabbit hole is that I should actually do the
DNA test to see what all I am. Maybe there is more to me than I know of. Maybe I am
not all that I was told I am.

Tomorrow is the first day of NaNoWriMo.
I have zero prep done for it. Everything I thought I would do got sidetracked by one
thing or another. So once again, I will be attempting this by flying by the seat of my
pants and hoping for the best.
One of the things I was hoping to incorporate into this story idea was some Polish Pagan
ways. Now, maybe I’ll have to put that aspect of my idea on the back burner and work
around it. Maybe I’ll throw the question out there into a group I am in regarding Slavic
Paganism.

I can feel the anxiety wave rising again. So with that, I think I will go find something
to distract myself with until it hopefully passes.

Samhain Blessings!!
Have a safe and Happy Halloween!!

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