Can I Get A Do Over Today?

• It is cloudy and breezy today.
  We are supposed to have rain coming at some point.
  We still have not dried out from the last round of rain.
  At least it was not foggy out today.
  So that is a plus, right?
  
• My anxiety is still revved up and I have no clue why.
  I just cannot seem to shake it. I am not used to it lasting this long.
  It has been a good long while since the last time it happened.
  Even trying to distract myself with different things has is not
  helping. I have idea what triggered it. Well, maybe I do. Maybe
  it has all started since I went to the doctor and I am just afraid
  this whole crap with bills and insurance is going to start up again.
  Even though, as of Sunday things are still being paid.
  
• I got told I was useless today because I was busy getting the dogs
  medicines together for their morning doses instead of helping with Bug.
  She was in the other room with another adult. But she was in her “I only
  want Grandma” mood. But Grandma was on the phone with the cell
  company trying to get her mobile data issue fixed. I thought Bug was
  being handled by the other person, but I guess she was just getting mad at
  them. And rather than just ask me to come help or take her, I get accused
  of being more worried about coffee, which I was not even making.
  We have one dog with an ear infection and another that just had 14 teeth
  pulled. I am kind of the designated medicine giver and was setting things
  up to for to give to the dogs. I am pretty OCD about it and have to check
  myself several times before I give it to them. I make sure I am giving the
  right meds to the right dog and in the right dose. And then you know, I
  have a schedule I need to stick to for them. So yeah…sigh.
  
• It seems my bill has been partially paid. It is now showing a balance of $350
  rather than the $5000 it was. BUT that same thing is on the bill again that
  the claim is denied for some unknown reason. The billing lady is only in
  the office Monday – Wednesday. So I can’t call her to find out if I need to start
  calling the insurance again. I know she was still adjudicating bills from last
  year to be paid, so maybe that is what is going on. And that statement is just
  a “common” thing while it is going through the process because it has not
  gone through yet.
  None of my new charges are showing up yet. But that does not mean they will
  not if things go to shit again. SIGH!!! Does this shit ever end?!?!?!
  
• Had to have my booby smash yesterday. I was okay with the one way, but when
  they had to take the side view…UGH! Stupid machine, the corner of the plate
  stabbed me under the arm. And you can’t not have it do that because of how they
  have to take the image. Hours later, when I was changing my clothes the same
  spot under both arms was still red. I would not be surprised if I end up with
  bruises. But it is done! So that is a plus!!
  
• Then I went to do some laundry today. There was a small load to be washed in
  the machine already, so I got it started. Ten minutes into the cycle, the machine
  stops washing and makes a weird buzzing noise for like two minutes. Then the
  noise stopped, but the cycle would not start again. I was about to panic and all
  that good stuff, then after about another three minutes it started going again.
  It has not done that before, so hence me about to freak out. Let’s hope I can get
  through my three loads without incident.
  
• Maybe, just maybe all of this I am feeling is because the New Moon is in Scorpio.
  And I am a Scorpio. Could that be it? Could all of this *waves hands* be what
  is making feel like the world is about to fall apart?
  I think this might be how Chicken Little feels when he runs around yelling, “The
  sky is falling!” It certainly feels that way, even though I do not have a clue as to
  why. I really just want to go somewhere and scream until I can’t anymore.
  
• My first day of writing for NaNo went really well. I ended the day with a few
  hundred words over the minimum count for the day. I knew the next day would be
  a bit of a bear to write with the pupper going to the vet for dental work. But by
  the time I got home and fed myself, I barely got a couple hundred words down.
  Yesterday did not fair much better, only around 300 words. So here I sit on day four
  of NaNo with a 3643 word deficit. I am not terribly worried about catching up, yet I
  am at the same time. If I put my mind to it, not let myself get sidetracked or
  distracted, I know I can catch up or even exceed what I need.
  I know I should probably work on consistency of writing, rather than how many
  words I have or need for a particular day. Anything I write in one day or one session
  is way more than I had. And definitely more than if I did not write at all. But I see that
  50,000 goal and all that rationality flies out the window and I feel like I am failing and
  will “lose” another NaNo.
  I already know that I am writing too conservatively. I am not flourishing or embellishing
  what I am writing. I am not writing great detail or descriptively. I am losing valuable
  words but doing that. I should be pouring it all out on the page and then worrying later
  if it needs to come out. Instead of limiting my words in a way and then have to figure out
  how to add it in later. It will probably never be publishable, and I am okay with that. I just
  want to be able to say that I wrote at least one story from start to finish.
  I know I probably will not finish said story in thirty days. That is expected, the goal is to
  write 50,000 words. They are not supposed to be good words, they are not supposed to be
  perfect words. This is not supposed to be all polished up and ready to print. This is
  supposed to be a challenge to get that novel written, it is meant (I think) to get us started.
  But this is where I am at. And I have to be okay with that…for now.
  
• Or maybe, I should just take my apparently “useless” ass off to go play video games and
  not give a shit about anything. Shush, let me have my brief pity party LOL.
  
• New Moon Blessings Y’all!!