Can I Get A Do Over Today?

  • It is cloudy and breezy today.
    We are supposed to have rain coming at some point.
    We still have not dried out from the last round of rain.
    At least it was not foggy out today.
    So that is a plus, right?
  • My anxiety is still revved up and I have no clue why.
    I just cannot seem to shake it. I am not used to it lasting this long.
    It has been a good long while since the last time it happened.
    Even trying to distract myself with different things has is not
    helping. I have idea what triggered it. Well, maybe I do. Maybe
    it has all started since I went to the doctor and I am just afraid
    this whole crap with bills and insurance is going to start up again.
    Even though, as of Sunday things are still being paid.
  • I got told I was useless today because I was busy getting the dogs
    medicines together for their morning doses instead of helping with Bug.
    She was in the other room with another adult. But she was in her “I only
    want Grandma” mood. But Grandma was on the phone with the cell
    company trying to get her mobile data issue fixed. I thought Bug was
    being handled by the other person, but I guess she was just getting mad at
    them. And rather than just ask me to come help or take her, I get accused
    of being more worried about coffee, which I was not even making.
    We have one dog with an ear infection and another that just had 14 teeth
    pulled. I am kind of the designated medicine giver and was setting things
    up to for to give to the dogs. I am pretty OCD about it and have to check
    myself several times before I give it to them. I make sure I am giving the
    right meds to the right dog and in the right dose. And then you know, I
    have a schedule I need to stick to for them. So yeah…sigh.
  • It seems my bill has been partially paid. It is now showing a balance of $350
    rather than the $5000 it was. BUT that same thing is on the bill again that
    the claim is denied for some unknown reason. The billing lady is only in
    the office Monday – Wednesday. So I can’t call her to find out if I need to start
    calling the insurance again. I know she was still adjudicating bills from last
    year to be paid, so maybe that is what is going on. And that statement is just
    a “common” thing while it is going through the process because it has not
    gone through yet.
    None of my new charges are showing up yet. But that does not mean they will
    not if things go to shit again. SIGH!!! Does this shit ever end?!?!?!
  • Had to have my booby smash yesterday. I was okay with the one way, but when
    they had to take the side view…UGH! Stupid machine, the corner of the plate
    stabbed me under the arm. And you can’t not have it do that because of how they
    have to take the image. Hours later, when I was changing my clothes the same
    spot under both arms was still red. I would not be surprised if I end up with
    bruises. But it is done! So that is a plus!!
  • Then I went to do some laundry today. There was a small load to be washed in
    the machine already, so I got it started. Ten minutes into the cycle, the machine
    stops washing and makes a weird buzzing noise for like two minutes. Then the
    noise stopped, but the cycle would not start again. I was about to panic and all
    that good stuff, then after about another three minutes it started going again.
    It has not done that before, so hence me about to freak out. Let’s hope I can get
    through my three loads without incident.
  • Maybe, just maybe all of this I am feeling is because the New Moon is in Scorpio.
    And I am a Scorpio. Could that be it? Could all of this *waves hands* be what
    is making feel like the world is about to fall apart?
    I think this might be how Chicken Little feels when he runs around yelling, “The
    sky is falling!” It certainly feels that way, even though I do not have a clue as to
    why. I really just want to go somewhere and scream until I can’t anymore.
  • My first day of writing for NaNo went really well. I ended the day with a few
    hundred words over the minimum count for the day. I knew the next day would be
    a bit of a bear to write with the pupper going to the vet for dental work. But by
    the time I got home and fed myself, I barely got a couple hundred words down.
    Yesterday did not fair much better, only around 300 words. So here I sit on day four
    of NaNo with a 3643 word deficit. I am not terribly worried about catching up, yet I
    am at the same time. If I put my mind to it, not let myself get sidetracked or
    distracted, I know I can catch up or even exceed what I need.
    I know I should probably work on consistency of writing, rather than how many
    words I have or need for a particular day. Anything I write in one day or one session
    is way more than I had. And definitely more than if I did not write at all. But I see that
    50,000 goal and all that rationality flies out the window and I feel like I am failing and
    will “lose” another NaNo.
    I already know that I am writing too conservatively. I am not flourishing or embellishing
    what I am writing. I am not writing great detail or descriptively. I am losing valuable
    words but doing that. I should be pouring it all out on the page and then worrying later
    if it needs to come out. Instead of limiting my words in a way and then have to figure out
    how to add it in later. It will probably never be publishable, and I am okay with that. I just
    want to be able to say that I wrote at least one story from start to finish.
    I know I probably will not finish said story in thirty days. That is expected, the goal is to
    write 50,000 words. They are not supposed to be good words, they are not supposed to be
    perfect words. This is not supposed to be all polished up and ready to print. This is
    supposed to be a challenge to get that novel written, it is meant (I think) to get us started.
    But this is where I am at. And I have to be okay with that…for now.
  • Or maybe, I should just take my apparently “useless” ass off to go play video games and
    not give a shit about anything. Shush, let me have my brief pity party LOL.
  • New Moon Blessings Y’all!!

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sue Blott
    Nov 09, 2021 @ 22:20:56

    Oh so much going on! Your dogs are very lucky to have you doctor them so carefully. Good luck with your writing! It’s the everyday writing something habit that means more in the end I think. Keep going! ❤


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