Checking In – I’m A Mess, Sort Of

Sorry to have been MIA for the last 18 days.
Just been trying to sort everything out and deal with things.

So, we’re 18 days in to the year and I’ve already had four doctor appointments.
One was with my nutritionist. I somehow managed to lose 5 lbs. despite or in spite
of the holidays. Even though some of it was water weight, which we don’t want
she said 5 lbs. is 5 lbs. We talked about committing to some sort exercise/movement.
I may have mentioned that I had bought a yoga mat and block. So at that point, I sealed
my own fate lol. I committed to one day a week to start and a time, basically setting a
date with myself. By the third week, she wanted to see me add a second day to my
self-date. And if I am able, she wanted me to try to split my routine by doing some in
the morning and some in the evening. The later being a type of chair yoga while watching
TV or something.
Towards the end of my session with her, I mentioned that I hadn’t heard back about my
cortisol test even though the patient portal showed they were in. I learned that after it’s
tested, it has to be graphed. I didn’t know that. Anyway though, she got my results and
gave me a WTF look and then said “What happened? What’s going on with you? This is the
worst levels I have ever seen. I’ve never seen anyone so high.” She then turned the paper to
me and my graph was practically off the paper. I was then scheduled immediately for a follow
up with my functional med practitioner first thing the next day.
Next morning, phone visit….bam! Same things asked. You could hear the “WTF Girl?” in her voice.
She asked me about any recent losses, stress, etc. I briefly touched on my past, my history, all the
way back to childhood. Abusive exes, narcissistic ex, narcissistic mom, mom had known “issues”,
alcoholic dad. She asked if I had gotten divorced first, I said yes but I waited over 10 years for it.
So it was a good thing. Then she asked what about before that, hence the list.
Right now, it is looking like I am stuck in “Fight or Flight” mode. Which explains a bit why I’ve been
feeling these waves of anxiety and like I am expecting the other shoe to drop as they say. I’ve been
in this mode for so long (childhood) that my body doesn’t know, it seems, how to get unstuck. She
has added a few more supplements to my daily regime. And hopefully the yoga practice will help some.
I made a point to make sure my nutritionist understood that I have fibro and chronic pain, that I just can’t
go into intense moves. She actually listened and looked up what would be good for me. It pointed to
Hatha and/or Yin Yoga. She told me which moves I was absolutely not to do. And a couple that I could do so long as I modified them.

Then…I had let them know that I had had some bleeding while taking one of the hormone medications.
That was a red flag and was immediately scheduled for the first ultra sound appointment they could get me, with a follow up to discuss the results a couple of days later. The good news is that I don’t have PCOS and there weren’t any visible fibroids or tumors. I still have adenomyosis, and I’m assuming it is still active. I mean it won’t go away, but it should stop being an issue when in menopause. Which I am
supposed to be in, but there is a question now since I bled twice in one month. So more labs have been added to my draw in a couple of weeks. But y’all….I’m turning into a fossil!! It’s my attempt at a joke about it. I have scarring and calcifications. She said it’s like having kidney stones, but in your uterus. It might explain my constant pain. During the follow up discussion, surgery was put back on the table.

But here’s the kicker, the hospital is at this time only allowing 2 surgeries per day. Period! They offered to refer me out if either of the other two hospitals were allowing more. I said unless I am emergent, which I am don’t believe I am, I’d like to wait for my doctor to do it. I told her I’m willing to wait a bit long (already waited over a year now) because I wouldn’t want to take a surgical spot away from someone who was in more dire straits.

Now as far as my cortisol goes, there are other reasons for it to be so high and I will be asking about them when I go in to see my functional med doctor next month. I will also know more hopefully about where I am hormonally. I’ll probably get a bit more info on how soon they would really like to have the surgery. Thinking about this surgery is not helping my stress levels and I know it’s not helping them get lowered.
In addition to the yoga, I am hoping that art journaling will help too.
What ways do you use art journaling to help with stress and anxiety, healing your traumas? How does one go about that?

In other wonderfully good news…the last bit of my past medical bill was finally paid off!!! WOOHOO!!

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Thorn Mooney

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