Day 24 – What I’m Proud Of

Today’s Nudge: Share something you’re proud of.

Oy vey!  Y’all know I’m not one to toot my own horn right?  LOL!!!

What am I proud of?  Hmmm.  I’ve been vegging a lot this week.  My hips and tailbone have been flaring up and down all week.  It feels better, it hurts more, starts to feel better, oh no wait here we go again. Add in some other pain points here and there, thankfully not as bad as the tailbone.  That one always seems the worst.  Today things feel somewhere in between, but I’ll take it because at least I can sit here and write a post.

But ah yes, back to the nudge.  Hands down, without a doubt I am proud of my two beautiful daughters.  My oldest is a self taught photographer.  Handed her a camera when she was about 12 and that’s all it took.  She takes some pretty amazing photos.  She is trying to grow a photography business.  Right now, she is mostly word of mouth and referrals I believe.  She has website, too.  I’m so proud of her that she is following her dream.

They both work as after school assistants/aides for a local private school.  And my youngest is looking into a college in North Carolina to study Psychology.  When she was little, she would say she wanted to be a vet.  I used to call her Dr. Doolittle because all the stray cats would end up at our house.  One day I said to her, you know that you will have to operate on animals sometimes to help them right?  And she said to me, “Oh no Mommy, I won’t have to do that because I will hire someone to do it for me.”  I thought it was one of the cutest and funniest things ever.  I still chuckle at it when it comes to mind. But now, she seems to have decided on pursuing a different field.

They have both grown into such lovely young ladies.  And I couldn’t be more prouder of either of them.

Here is a picture of us from Mother’s Day at Turner Field in what almost seems like a life time ago.

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Day 23 – Sacred

Today’s Nudge: Post about something that’s sacred to you.

It’s has been a long time since I have practiced a ‘religious faith’, ie: Catholic Mass, the rosary, a Christian church service.  Even as a small child, it never felt like my thing.  I did the whole Christianity thing for many years after I got married, and my mother in law passed away. It never felt right either, no matter how hard I tried.

Yet, Mary and the Rosary itself (not so much the ritual prayers with it) remain sacred. I know how much they meant to my Grandmother.  For her, there was never any doubt in the power they contained when she prayed the rosary to the Virgin Mary.  Matka Boska, Divine Mother.  I think one of the reasons I hold such reverence for the Blessed Virgin is because of the stories of protection she gave to my family during the war or illness, or so my Grandmother said.

No matter what path I may walk, Mary remains sacred to me and I cannot part with any of my rosaries.  The one thing I cannot find is the set she always prayed with.  I fear I left them behind when I left my narcissist spouse.  I thought I had packed them, but I can’t seem to find them.  I can only hope my daughters have found them and keep them safe. I dare not ask, mostly out of fear that I lost them and I know how much my Grandmother meant to them.

Another thing that is sacred to me is my space.  The space where I create, or at least try to.  I feel sometimes, that when I am in my space I do not wish to be disturbed unnecessarily.  It’s sort of my bubble. But since it is in my bedroom that I share, I cannot exactly ban anyone from my room.  I have tried to think of ways to “wrap” my sacred space of creating, but the room isn’t big enough to close off my corner with a drape of some sort.  And the cats, especially my sweet boy, LOVES to walk across or lay on my art table. *SIGH!!!*  All I can do is scream in my head, “BOUNDARIES PEOPLE! OR CATS! BOUNDARIES!!” but it’s no use.

Maybe I am just overly sensitive that my space is not solely my own.  I have never had a space that was just mine and mine alone, a space that I could invite people into if I choose to or close the door and keep them out at will.  I’ve never had a space of my own where I could post a sign on the door that says something like “Do not disturb, creating in process.”  Or “Artist At Work”.  Or how about (found on Pintrest)

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I am Sacred, my space is Sacred.  I just wish people would honor that, ya know.  Any who, what do you find sacred?

Day 22 – Blessed Mabon – Alban Elfed

Today’s Nudge: Post something seasonal.

Today in the northern hemisphere it is the Autumn Equinox, First Day of Fall, Mabon, Feast of Avalon, Alban Elfed.  It is the day where day and night are of equal length before the nights get longer and the days shorter.

There is a really good article about Alban Elfed over on the blog The Druid’s Garden. A quick Google search will turn up plenty on Mabon.  Wicca.com has some information about Mabon.

libra-autumn

I think this is one of my new favorite Autumn images.  It’s been shared on Facebook a few times today.  Research shows it’s supposed to represent Libra.  But I think it has a nice Fall look to it.

Day 21 – Resource Sharing

Today’s Nudge: Pick something from The Daily Post to blog about OR share a resource you really like with your readership. 

One of my favorite resources, which y’all are I’m sure are more than familiar with.  You’ve either fall down the rabbit hole that it is or you know someone that has.

I’m talking about Pintrest.  It is a plethora of images and information.  On more than one occasion I have gone there to look for one thing and the next thing I know a couple of hours have passed.  AND….I never found what I went there for!  Or I did find it, but it led me to other things.

I dislike all the ads on there now, but I still use it as a resource when I am looking for an imagine or an idea.

I did check out The Daily Post on Word Press.  There looks to be some really good articles. Some that I will probably read myself, but until I do I didn’t think it wise to make a post about any right now.

Today was a limbo day.  Things were supposed to be happening that didn’t happen. And now we don’t know when these things will happen.

I didn’t do a B&W photo today because well….I forgot.  😦  Honest to goodness forgot about it. Pain level today started out at tolerable and has escalated to a soak in the tub and a soon to be date with the heating pad.  Oh there’s ice cream!  Because I deserve it!  🙂 Pain levels will be back to tolerable tomorrow hopefully.  And maybe I won’t forget the B&W.

I look forward to reading about your favorite resource.

 

Day 20 – Challenge?

Today’s Nudge: Create a contest or challenge for your readership.

Hoooo Boy!  I don’t have either off the top of my head.  I’ve been pondering this between errands today.  I was thinking of going with challenge.  I had an idea earlier while I was out and about, now I can’t remember what it was.  Such is life when there is so much going on.

I’m terrible at challenges.  I always try to sign up for them, thinking I’ll commit to what ever activity it is, and somewhere along the line I fail.  Sometimes, I just plain old fail to start.  I think this will be the time I do the ICAD (index card a day), or 29 Faces, or 100 Happy Days, etc.  Then I always find myself struggling to even do the activity.

I won’t lie, there’s be a few times here where I thought “I’ll just skip the post today.” Those days I feel like I was too tired to form words and thoughts.  But then I would think, no I’m not going to give in.  Get your ass in the chair and write something.  And I have been.  Every day for the last 20 days.

So my personal challenge to myself is going to be, keeping going and finish the next 10 days.  No Matter What!

A challenge I have seen going around Instagram is the Black & White challenge.  Take a photo a day, in B&W, post it.  Cannot contain people, and post no caption.  I’ve seen some really great ones.  I was thinking of giving it a go, starting tomorrow?  It’s only a 7 day challenge.  Maybe it’s something you would like too.  If I do give it a try, I will post my photo at the end of my posts for the next 7 days starting tomorrow.

Day 18 – Feature

Today’s Nudge: Feature one or two people who do what you do but in a different way in your blog today.

Since I’m still finding my way and my style of art and journaling, I don’t think I have anyone to feature.  I tend more to try and copy those I admire and learning from right now.

So instead, maybe I’ll just point out a favorite artist  This artist is really no stranger to many of us.  I think for some she might even be a “spirit animal” of sorts. I don’t know how else to phrase it. 🙂

She was a bold and ballsy woman, I think.  At least that is my take on having read a book about her and having seen a movie where she was portrayed by Selma Hayek.  I truly admire Frida Kahlo.

I love her self portraits.  It’s something I wish I could do, my not so much portraits of me but of others.  Only I can’t paint or draw what I see to save myself.  Getting something from my head to the page or canvas is hard enough, forgot painting something I look at.

 

 

Day 18 – Life Hacks

Today’s Nudge: Share a life hack.

Crap, crap, crap.  I’m one the most unorganized people I know.  One look at my art table and you can see what I mean.  But being all tidy and organized, just drives me NUTS! I have places and piles for things, and I know where said things are or should be.

So what the hell is my life hack?  I haven’t a clue. Honestly, I don’t.  But if it comes down to it, I would have to say I pre-prep when I am going to cook.  Especially if it’s a big meal. I know, I’m probably not alone in such a thing.  But I will pre-chop all my vegetables, cut up meat if needed, peel and cut potatoes then set them in water until it’s time to boil them up.  During Christmas time, we back A LOT of cookies!  I mean like dozens and dozens of cookies.  My S.O. sisters come over and we take over the kitchen with his mom. It’s a day long bake-fest. So sometimes I will pre-make my doughs a day or two ahead of time.

Another thing I do is I make lists.  I have several lists going for different things.  Be it art supplies I want to try, books I want to read, things I want to do in World of Warcraft (I love to do achievements on there, so I have a list of mounts I want to go for and pets.) So um yeah.  Lists and pre-prepping for big meals.

Day 17 – Show Off!

Today’s Nudge: Show off without apologizing.
Optional nudge: Start a blog series that you can commit to updating regularly that will help you build your community.

Oh gosh!  Um….uuuuuuuuh….you want me (looks around) to toot my own horn?  Aw, shit!  So, so hard to do! I don’t usually like, pfft! who am I kidding?! I hate putting myself in the limelight and saying, “Hey, Look! I did a thing! Isn’t it fabulous?”  As soon as I even THINK about doing that, all and I mean ALL the gremlins come out of the woodwork with their “you can’ts” and “your shit sucks” and “they’re gonna laugh at yous”. When I post a thing on social media, I am REALLY REALLY putting myself out there.  It’s fucking hard!

I look at all the beautiful work all of you do.  I look at Effy and Tam and Connie and Whitney.  I wonder if I could ever be that good and talented.  I wonder if I can ever get to a place where I show something off without those stupid voices.  I would be willing to settle for not as many even 🙂

I would love a blog series, I just don’t know what I would do it on.  That I will have to think about and come back. I know that one is optional, but it sounds like it could be fun and would maybe push me a little to step out.

Okay, so back to showing off.  Here goes nothing!   I am making a thing right now, it’s on my easel. I’m not quite done, but I think it’s close. It’s the butterfly from Whitney Freya’s master class that she had out last month.

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This next one, I saw a YouTube video lesson a lady did.  I wanted to try oil pastels.  So I tried my luck and making my version of her piece.

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This is acrylic paint on poster board.  I was just doodling around with colors.

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Here is something I did for a past BOD.

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So there I am.  ❤

 

 

Day 16 – Trust

Today’s Nudge: Dig something really good out of your archived writings, or write about trust.

I guess I’m going with Trust.  Trust is very difficult for me.  I find it hard to trust and usually start out assuming the worst until I see other wise.  When I get called out on it by someone, my S.O. usually, I just say “I can’t help it, it’s the Brooklyn in me.”

The reality is I’ve always trusted too easily.  I would dive into friendships or relationships head and heart first without waiting and testing the waters.  I usually got burned, severely.  I think I finally learned that I gave my trust away too easily after all I’ve been through with the “not soon enough to be EX”.  He really put me through some shit.

I remembered from when I was going to Al-a-teen when I was in high school, they used to talk about detaching from the situation.  So I started to do that, with everything.  I was making myself numb and putting up walls.  My walls went so I high, I ended up in a dark pit where I didn’t see any way out.  My S.O. came into the picture and started chipping away at my walls.  Eventually, he broke through and let some light in.  I don’t think I am completely out of my wall of safety, but at least I can look out over the top and check things out.

When you grow up with a narcissistic parent, marry a narcissist, and most of the friends you had only wanted you around when you could do something for them, your sense of trust goes to shit.  You’re left with being afraid of everything and everyone.

I am slowly allowing myself to be willing to trust again, but I won’t go head long into things anymore.

 

Day 15 – What I Know

Today’s Nudge: What’s something you know for sure?

This will probably be a short post too tonight, I am still completely exhausted.  Better than yesterday, but still extremely tired. Sleep hasn’t wanted to partner with me the last few nights.  The weather is changing. FAST! Earlier this week we were still hitting 90’s, running fans and coolers.  Today, we made it to about 70 and tonight I’m ready to turn on the heater.  Welcome to Idaho LOL!  Parts of Montana got about 2 feet of snow today.  It hit the fire stricken areas, so it was probably very much welcome and definitely needed to help put these fires out.  I heard parts of Idaho could have also seen snow, but I don’t know if they got any.

So, what do I know for sure?  Most days, I don’t feel like I know much of anything.  I question all the things, I second guess, I over think, and it’s hell to have to make a decision.  Like today for example, I have been wanting to pick up a set of Portfolio Oil Pastels, for a while (like over a year, maybe more). But I always, hem and haw over whether to do it or not when I find them in a store.  I went to a new to me art store in Boise today. And they had them.  For just a bit over 10 bucks.  I had a 40% off everything coupon.  I walked around the store in my hand trying to decide if I really should or not. In the end, I finally decided to go for it and bought them.  I ended up paying a little over 6 bucks for them, cheaper than I would have got it on Amazon. Oh and I picked up my first two Tobow markers!  With the coupon they came to 1.91 each! I will probably go back and get more the next time they have coupon like that.

Oh but that doesn’t answer the prompt does it?  The honest answer is I really don’t have an answer at this time.  Maybe I will just sleep on it and give you an answer in the morning.  (queue Meatloaf song!).

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