A Little Wednesday Wisdom, Perhaps

I can hope it comes across as wisdom any way.  If nothing else, it is my thoughts and some introspection.

I’ve been getting Sara Galactica’s horoscope emails for a few months now.  And usually they are pretty spot on to what I am thinking or what is rolling around in my head at the time.  She uses an astrology ecosystem, I think is how it’s referred to.   You can go here on her site and figure out what yours is.  It’s based off your birth card and then those are sorted into ecosystems.  Mine works out to be 9 in the Major Arcana which is The Hermit, this places me in the Ecosystem of Introspection.  That seems almost fitting for one, I tend to be a hermit and two, I seem to do A LOT! of introspection or inward thinking.

Well this month’s horoscope for me is asking me “HOW DO I DEFINE WHAT IS HOLY FOR ME?”
WHOA! This has been something I have been rolling around in my head for the last couple of months.
The second question is this: What is YOUR relationship to the sacred?
Again…WHOA! Like I have be been questioning this quite a bit.  I do not know exactly what my relationship is.  Do I even have one?
And the last/third question is: What medicine might you find in connection to the divine (however you define it)?

The first question is not to be one of dogma. The second isn’t about the rules or  rituals. And the third is not about how others would describe it. It’s not about naming it or anything like that either.  It’s about how do I connect to the Divine and what is my personal relationship with It.

If you were to go back a couple of months, you find some posts about just that.  My search and desire for a connection with the Sacred and the Holy. But I am questioning what that is for me and trying to find some solid ground in that respect.  So far, I haven’t had much success in that regard.

I was raised in the Catholic faith, sort of.  I have had my sacraments up to Confirmation.  But the rules.  OH…SO…MANY…RULES!  And don’t you dare questions the priests, or the nuns for that matter.  In my early twenties, I tried the non-denominational thing…the whole “born-again” thing.  Right from the start I think it felt off.  The person/people that  “saved me” left me to my own devices and whenever I asked for guidance I received no answers.  At one point, I was told that being saved wasn’t enough but now I had to “do good works” and if I wanted to “guarantee” certain amenities I had to go and save others.

As it turned out, it had a lot of the same don’t question the preacher rules.  A religion that is supposed to one to help those in need are the very ones that turned their back on us because we didn’t give enough every week.  Another church convinced us to give ten percent off what we made before taxes, promising a bigger reward for being such good stewards.  What it got us was bounced check fees instead and an ever bigger struggle to make ends meet.  Once again, in a time of need, this church also turned it’s back on us. They only came around to find out why we had not been to a service and then it was all oh well see you when you get well.  Months later, when we left for a different church all of our “friends” dropped us like hot potatoes.  The teaching was you couldn’t associate with people that weren’t members.  FUCK THAT!

And of course, in these non-denominational places you can’t honor Saints, Mary, or anyone else for that matter.  At least there is some sort of reverence in the Catholic church.

Somewhere around 2005 or so, I started to shed the blinders and allowed myself to question my beliefs.  Only they weren’t really mine, were they?  These are things I was told or taught to believe, not being allowed to find my own way.   It was about this time, that I was searching for something more and felt called by Cerridwen and Brigid.  Then paganism seemed a more logical path.  I felt torn between where I thought or felt I was being called/drawn and honoring Mary who I thought I should trying praying the Rosary to and doing the Divine Mercy.

Eventually, I just became too stuck to follow anything or anyone.  But it always feels like something is missing.  I still feel very much called by Cerridwen, Brigid, even Rhiannon.  But also by Mary and by Mary Magdalene.  Sometimes, it feels dark like Lilith or the Morrigan.

So, what are my answers to those questions?  I don’t know.  I feel very cheated by the church in all of it’s incarnations.  I cannot follow a male dominated religion. I think, I know I am still trying to figure out what is Holy and Sacred to me.  I am still trying to figure out who and what the Divine is to me and what my relationship is with it.  It is definitely a conversation I need to keep having with myself.

Advertisements

Tuesday’s Thoughts

Wow!  Lots going on this month.
New Moon today and a total Solar Eclipse.
Mercury goes retrograde on the 7th.
Four other planets also in retrograde!
Saturn, Jupiter, Neptune, Pluto.
Then, the Full Moon and a partial Lunar Eclipse.
A double meteor shower at the end of the month.
Followed by a Black Moon or another New Moon
on the 31st.

Strange weather with a massive hail storm in Mexico!
Hot temps in Alaska, plus wild fires.
Our temps here alone are up and down like crazy.
It’s like one day you need shorts and a tank top.
Then the next day you’re wanting/needing a sweatshirt.
But the powers that be want us to believe climate change isn’t
a thing………….RIGHT…….. *eye roll*

I’ve been debating if I should renew my passport card.  I had
hoped to have enough money to do the name change and then
renew it. BUT….I don’t even have enough for court costs on the
name change.  I wonder if I can actually apply for the hardship
waiver.  I should check into that I suppose.  Well, since I have to
go to the court house for the renewal, I can inquire about the
waiver. Couldn’t hurt anyway.

Did I mention that I hate manipulative people???
UGH! ARGH!!!!
Not my circus, not my monkeys. REPEAT!

I managed to write 506 words of my story last night for Camp NaNo.
Yay me!  I was surprised I even got that many.  It didn’t look like
much on the screen.
I think I have maybe found a way to go back to my original idea
oh so long ago.  But from a different direction and new thoughts on it.
Maybe. I don’t know.  I think it could work.
I’m not really sketching any of it out. Or plotting much. Or even
researching.
I’ve got that story in the back of my mind, but am writing what comes
to mind with the current idea.
I’m pretty sure I can somehow weave it all together.
So there’s that.  And it makes me happy at the possibility.
Plus I’m doing some writing, so that makes me even more happy.

I think I could do with a bit of caffeine.
Only had one cup of coffee today.  A rather large cup, but I usually
will refill it when I’m half way.  I couldn’t do that today. But I don’t
necessarily want more coffee.  Tea maybe. And then I can finish off
my GoT Oreos!!!  There’s a plan!!!

Rabbit, Rabbit…HELLO July

It’s the first day of the second half of the year.
I can’t believe we are already six months in to 2019!!

I feel like time is flying.
And I feel like I have nothing to show for it.
I know I do, because I have done things.
Photos, writing, blogging.
But not what I had hoped or planned to accomplish.

Today is the first day of Camp NaNoWriMo.
I  like camp because it’s kind of like choose your own adventure.
I’m not “locked” into 50,000 words.
I can choose how many words I want to write during camp.
Or I can choose other options, like hours, minutes, lines, or even pages.
It can be for my story or a blog or whatever writing I choose.
I think some people even choose editing. But I am no where near that.

We’re puppy sitting.
And our dogs are not happy about it.
They were cool about the first few hours, first day.
Now they’re totally over it.
We were also under the impression that the pup was partially potty
trained, BUT…….wrong!!!  I swear they told us at one point that she goes
to the door when she needs out.  I have yet to see this dog do any thing
like that.
The cats all pretty much avoid her.

It’s going to be a warm few days.
Near or over 90.
Not a fan.
I’m ready for Fall!
And Summer has barely even started.
I still marvel at how did I even survive the city heat (and humidity!)
Or Florida….
Or Georgia for that matter.

My “NO SODA” campaign isn’t going as planned.
But, I haven’t had one everyday.
Though this last month, I have had a lot more that I should have.
Twenty out of  thirty days I’ve had at least one. WAY too many!!
Must do better.

Nineteen days till Garth Brooks!!
WOOHOO!!! I’m excited.
My first concert in almost four years.
Last one I went to was Elton John in 2015.

Our tomato project seems to be working so far.
We’ve actually got some fruit on at least two plants.
I try to check on the plants every other day for fruit and pinching
off the suckers.  I try to remember to do what my Grandma told me.
To have stronger plants and better tomatoes.   Sometimes though,
those suckers grow out so fast I don’t always get to catch them.
Can’t wait to try one of the tomatoes though.  Especially the one that could
be almost two pounds!!  But we must be patient, they’re still little green balls.
And so we wait!

And Just Like That…

It’s the last day of June.
The last Sunday of the month.
And I almost forgot to post  😲

I think I am letting too many things fill my mind.
Things that are not for me to decide or comment on.
Though I do share my thoughts or feelings on it and
I probably should just keep my month shut.

I just hate to see people guilted into doing something they
don’t want or don’t feel up to doing.
It’s hard to stay quiet.
But I don’t feel it’s my place.  Even when I have mentioned
that I don’t feel it’s right, I then feel like I should just
bite my tongue.

Trying to stay neutral and out of it.
Trying be Switzerland as they say.
But fuck it’s hard.

It’s funny.
I often feel compelled to jump in and defend someone’s
right to say no to a thing.
But when it’s me in the same situation, I usually feel backed
into a corner and often find it difficult to protect my boundaries
and say no to a thing.

Setting your boundaries and sticking to them is fucking hard.

Well tomorrow starts July’s Camp NaNo.
I’ve set a goal of 15500 words.

A Head Full Of Ideas

Well….
It happened!
I’ve peopled so much these last couple of days.
And my head is so full of possibilities.
That I totally spaced posting yesterday!
By the time I realized I had forgotten, it was 4 minutes to midnight.
I was not getting up lol.

First post I have missed since April 1st.
It makes me a little sad too.
But shit happens.

The art studio might not actually happen until maybe next year.
There are things that need to be taken care of this year that have priority.
So for now, I will be researching things like insulation and such.
Thinking about what I want inside.
We’ve already established that a porch is a MUST! lol
I don’t care if it’s a big porch, but I need one so I can hang my wind chimes up.

I was thinking to maybe have some beams go across from wall to wall so can maybe
run twinkle lights or some of those fun strings of lights or my purple christmas lights.
Maybe weave some lengths of fabric?
Wall color? All the same? Do each a different color?  Would have to see what we have
left over from when we painted in the house.
Curtains or window dressings….I’m thinking gauzy flowy stuffs. Don’t want to block the light. Or maybe just valances?
Definitely need a screen door for breeze and ventilation.
I have a hope on maybe repurposing a stained glass window.  Have to check the restore places.
I have so many thoughts, so many ideas.

Hello Thursday

I almost feels like a Monday and not a Thursday.
Just one of those days.

Had to take the cat that adopted us to the vet today.
He’s been having problems with his eyes.  It was getting better,
then it got worse. Then he disappeared a few days. When he showed
back up it was super gross.  He had a fox tail in his eye and it must have
got way back in there.

Vet got it out. Stickers got his shots and is on 2 weeks of antibiotics. Then
he’ll go back and have it rechecked to see if it’s healed.  It’s too soon to tell
if he’ll need to have it removed or not.

He’s a stray that one of cats brought home like 3 years ago. Then he disappeared
for almost 2 years, but showed up again over Spring.  When he first came around
his fur was full of fox tails, hence the name Stickers.  For now we are keeping him
indoors and away from the rest of the fur babes so we  can be sure to give him
his meds and so he can heal.

We’re all still pretty wore out from yesterday.
They sprung a change of locale on us and added a boat into the mix which none of
us were keen on.  I told everyone else to go on if they wanted to go on the boat.  I
would be fine on shore watching.  I told them I didn’t want to spoil their fun if they
wanted to go out on the lake in the boat.   I don’t do boats or DEEP water.  I can’t swim
for one and I nearly drowned when I was 12 after a friend pulled me under water in a
pool.  I can’t float  either.

I guess I “ruined” it for some others that were already on the boat.  I apologized to the
birthday girl, but she was fine with it. Or at least she said she was. And I believe her.
But her stepdad tried to make me feel bad for not wanting to go.  I’m just glad that
others stood by me and supported me.

I had my camera, so I was prepared to entertain myself if people chose to go out on the lake in the boat.  I still had some camera time.

It was a nice area, but not really my thing.  I don’t tube or water ski or go boating.  I couldn’t even go on the “dock” because no rails.  I set my boundaries as to  what I was willing to do or not do.  And I wasn’t going to let anyone guilt me into it.  It all worked out anyway.  A good time was still had by most, if not all.

Wednesday’s Words

I peopled.
I’m tired.

It’s late.
My pillow is calling my name.

Tuesday’s Thoughts

No photos today.

I had to people today because I have to people again tomorrow.

Niece is turning 16 and we’re going to a little get together in her honor.
It’s supposed to be 90 now. And it will be at a lake/beach/state park.

It seems like just yesterday she was wanting to have animal sounds conversations with me.  She’d wear her uncle’s big headphones with a mic and talk to me about animals and then want to talk in animal speak.  Cutest little kid with a goofy grin and lopsided pigtails.  Now she’s blossoming into a young lady.  Time flies!

I didn’t know what to get her.
And I was striking out with my ideas that I had.
So, I am being “that person” who has bought her some light makeup and nail polish.
And candy!
Oh and I did pick up a dress for her last weekend. I just couldn’t find anything to go with it.

Here’s hoping tomorrow goes smoothly.

Wild And Weedy

Not too much on words right now.  Maybe I’ll come back later with a lengthier post about something.  I’m still mulling over that detached/disconnected post.

But here are some photos from the last couple of days on my treks to the mailbox.

Randomness Sunday

Don’t you just hate it when you have something you want to write about, but it’s time for bed and you think……oh yeah I’ll remember this when I sit down to blog.
And then you sit down to blog and you can’t remember shit.
Yeah, that’s me right now.
It was gonna be good too.
I just know it.
Now I can’t remember jack LOL.

Nope

Still not coming to me.
Well…..CRAP!

Today I was in charge of cooking whole artichokes.
I had no clue wtf I was doing.
I received instructions.
And I guess I did good, because we ate them 🙂

I’ve been trying to remember to take my little camera out with me on my trek to the mailbox here lately.  The milkweed are starting to bloom and so is the thistle.  The beetles haven’t arrived on the milkweed yet, but the bees are sure enjoying it. Only I am finding that my little camera is starting to annoy me a little.  I think it’s just the clarity of the viewing screen that’s bugging me.  Maybe on my next trek I need to take out the big guns. Put that Canon of mine to work.

So that’s two steps in the right directions lately.
I’m writing words.
And I’m taking photos.
Next step………..MAKE ART!
Baby steps, I suppose.
But whatever it takes to get me making and creating.

Previous Older Entries Next Newer Entries

Blog Stats

  • 2,065 hits

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 38 other followers

Jenny Bruso

An Unlikely Hiker Blog

Stair na hÉireann/History of Ireland

Irish History, Culture, Heritage, Language, Mythology

Sarah Joyce Bryant

artist and author

Vodka & Rosaries

Poems As Prayers

Good Witches Homestead

Enchanted World of Magical Gardening ~ Crystals & Gemstones ~ Locally Grown Organic Herbs

Create Every Day

Art To Live

Burgess Taylor

My Creative Life

Author Stephanie Braxton

One Writer's Journey To Become An Author

Forks in My Tree

Tracing the branches of my family's tree one twig at a time.

Jessica M Starr

TheStoryWitch

journalwildhome.wordpress.com/

Creative journaling ideas, tips and prompts

Alphabet Ravine

Lydia Rae Bush Poetry

jovina cooks

Healthy Mediterranean Cooking at Home

Mistral Spirit

lifestyle | organization | writing | art

The Witch & Walnut

* THE SLAVIC WITCH * BALKAN & EASTERN EUROPEAN WITCHCRAFT *

ROCKY ROAD FAMILY

Our small family living in a 5th wheel following Dads work as a rock fall technician... what could go wrong?

Lost Muse Journals

Pages From My Journals, Sketchbooks & Other Randoms